‘If they (the children late for class) lie badly I punish them. If they lie creatively I laugh, congratulate them and punish them. Both of us know it’s a ritual. They will be late again tomorrow. The same children. They’re late people.’

But Joe Bennett is not late. Or if he is, he’s like the bloke who’s just missed the bus and claims that what it means is that he’s terribly early for the next one.

After just six months of writing columns, Joe Bennett was voted Columnist of the Year at the 1998 Qantas Media Awards. He now writes for newspapers throughout Australasia.

In these collected articles the targets of his wit include therapy and massage, garden centres, becoming rich, young girls, and the prevalence of cars parked outside massage parlours, empty but for a bored dog or two.

For a rapidly growing audience Joe Bennett couldn’t have arrived fast enough.

Also by Joe Bennett: Sleeping Dogs and Other Lies.